The "Unladylike" me...

What could be more apocalyptic than an actual apocalypse? I donning a saree! Hold on before you let that smile adorn your face, there's still more to it. Being the most unladylike, I end up with the inability to comprehend nail paints, contours and hues adorning one's face, lip crayons (in fact I ended up breaking one of them in my sheer excitement to color my lips just the way my 3.5 year old toddler does on those innocent coloring books) ! I am the most unladylike of all the unladylike females out there. No wonder, my mother used to keep my hair style same from upper kg to class viii, as she was quite confident that I wouldn't rebel, for I did not possess the least fashion quotient to even  raise a voice of rebellion.
All hell breaks loose on my folks a fortnight before the day I decide to wear a saree. They dread if I would return in it unharmed, all safe and secure. My sister who is the fashionista of our house hold, refuses to acknowledge my presence publicly, given by her prior experience, read experiences, situations wherein my danglers didn't reach the wedding venue, sometimes I ended up being barefoot when those 3-4" heels looked quite scary to me, till date I prefer flat foot wears even though I am vertically quite challenged. Perhaps even before loafers/sneakers paired with a saree was made famous by an upstart celebrity, I had pioneered it, but I was compelled to dismiss the idea by my sister.
Being the most deglamourized individual of my tribe my only idea of looking great is a simple stick of kohl and a lip color that I have repeated more than the "nth" time, and I smugly do so by retorting, "the color really suits me" overlooking the fact that my peers are smarter than I deem them to be. My own wedding gifts comprised of meager basic stuffs like the kohl and my lip liner, the rest of the accessories were shared by my ever enthusiastic, overtly feminine female friends for whom these were not less than manna!
My friends and family have made enormous but ultimately futile efforts to make me understand the need to be ladylike; but I failed to yield into it. It is not because I did not wish but because I could not do it.
Besides being so unladylike, I have been few of those individuals who seems to attract a lot of uncanny and unpleasant experiences around oneself. I have been extremely privileged to experience things, that even a toddler would evade encountering. I have barely survived a sea walk in Bangkok, I have dislocated my shoulder in sea, I have found myself goofing up situations which most haven't. So overall I can be  called a prototype, as christened by the man of the house!
My saree disasters at events have been such that even the photographer has refused to allow me in frames adorned by women with true ladylike attributes. Not that it affects me much. I am quite content with the assets that I have been blessed with and the person next in line who shares the same level of contentment is my man, who has been successfully saving himself from feeling the pocket pinch when it comes to accessorizing a woman, that is, me, is concerned!

Thus, I am someone who doesn't wake up looking perfect, I am someone who prefers a plateful of real edibles rather than a bowl of tasteless broth, I am someone who only understands that the basic utility of a pancake is consumption rather than the one that is heaped on the face, I am someone who gets a little perturbed when given undue attention by the opposite sex, I am someone who would prefer a pyajama than a pair of skin fit jeans, I am someone whom the men would acknowledge as a dude and women would call their agony aunt. I am someone who isn't scared to break a nail, I am someone who doesn't wait for gratification for being what I am proud of living as.